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hey this is Leo for actualised org in this video we're going to talk about how to deal with a breakup so you're going through a breakup and it feels miserable it feels shitty you want your ex back you wish she could take you back you wish he could take you back you just wish that if if only one little thing was changed if you did one little thing different or if she or he did one little thing different then everything would be smooth and everything would be okay and you wouldn't be going through this torment that you're going through now that you're in the middle of this breakup and it feels awful it feels like [ __ ] you feel like [ __ ] I've been there I don't know if I've ever shared the story with you guys but the reason that I got into getting better with girls learning attraction learning female psychology and really not just that but that led me into personal development as well in a sense really got me serious about personal development was because of a breakup that I had just about three or four years ago or so yeah and and I want to tell you a little bit that story because I was feeling some of the feelings that you're feeling now if you're going through a breakup and what was important for me not through even my own strength but was that I made a couple of important decisions right then and there at the end of this breakup which truly transformed my life and I think that your breakup can serve you in this really positive way here as well so in this video I'm going to tell you a little bit about how I got involved with that and what happened in that situation and then we're going to go in we're going to tell you you know what is the deal with breakups how do you use a breakup to actually move yourself forward in life so you're no longer that same miserable pathetic needy person that you were when you were in the bad relationship because let's face it if you two are broken up that didn't happen by accident you might think like oh well this little thing happened here that just made us break up no that's not what happened here what happened and the reason you two broke up is because there's weaknesses inside of you that you need to resolve and there's learning that needs to happen about relationships and about the opposite sex and that this is a journey that you need to go on so let me tell you let me back up for a second let me tell you a little bit about my story here so I wasn't really interested in girls for most of my life not because I don't like them sexually I love them but is because I was very focused on my own life for a long time I was really focused on my career I'm very life Purpose Driven so I was working so much on that that I didn't really date through high school or college because I just wasn't interested in my mind was elsewhere I was also insecure I had insecurities about my looks and about my confidence I was kind of a shy person because I am naturally introverted and because I wasn't socializing a lot through high school in college because I was so focused again on my life purpose and on my career so in a sense what happened was that after I got out of college and after my career started to take off and turned into good financially then I saw myself with quite a bit of free time and now I've got the resources and the time and the money to actually go out and do something I'm like okay I should really start dating and it was very funny because just right at this moment as this was happening was kind of serendipitous I was going to the gym a lot I was a regular at my local gym and there was a girl at the counter there that always looked at her ID since we walked in and back and forth she was kind of like a receptionist girl there and what happened was that she developed an eye for me and it was funny I remember I was I was on the treadmill on the upper floor of our gym and then she there was also like a reception desk up there on the second floor and she kind of just like found some random reason to come over and talk to me and it was interesting like it floored me because at that point in my life I never had a girl ever hit on me before and like it wasn't over the top was just me it was very subtle the way she approached me but obvious it was obvious she was interested in me and so of course you know I'm like oh cool cool I was a little bit nervous because I'd like I had very little experience with girls at that point and I hadn't really dated many girls at that point so but you know I kind of just fumbled through it fumble through it we went on a couple of dates here and there I was very reluctant and like very slow to pull the trigger with her even though she was very into me I was very slow to pull that trigger because I was insecure about myself I didn't feel like I had that confidence that I need to have and what ended up happening was that over the next few weeks it all ultimately came out and turned into about a month I think that we were kind of dating and talking back and forth and texting and stuff and what ended up happening is that one night she came over to my to my apartment and we made out a little bit actually made a lot and I should have pulled the trigger then but again in my mind I thought like well I don't want to be pushy on this girl I'm gonna be that nice guy that knight in shining armor that she probably wants and so I was playing that role because I didn't know better and what happened was that she left that night and then I got a little bit antsy with her on the text the day after because I'm like I was angry with myself that I didn't close and so I'm like oh when are you coming back when you coming back I want you back at my place and at that point she saw that I was getting so needy with her that she just texted me said you know what I don't think that we're going to work out and I'm not really looking for a relationship right now and we were done and I didn't even proceed that we were done in her mind we were done in my mind it was like oh she just may be you know being a little bit coy I can still get her back this kind of stuff because I see her all the time at my gym so I'm like oh it's not a big deal you know we'll just work it out but then here's the real dagger in the heart of this story is that I'm looking on Facebook and we were Facebook friends at that point cuz she gave me her facebook earlier after we started dating so I look at my facebook and it says her status changes to a in a relationship and this happens literally a week after she breaks up with me her status changes the in a relationship with a little pink heart and she's glowing about how she's in love with this guy and that's not me I'm looking at this and I'm like oh that's like a that that [ __ ] like it's like a dagger in my heart right because I still in my mind thought that I was courting her and I still had a chance with her but now this was like oh I have no chance anymore and so at this point I recognize that wait a minute there's something very dysfunctional here I'm very insecure about myself my skills with women are really bad I don't have the experience I need I need to get this handled and I recognize that I was at such a point with so little experience that I needed more than just a you know reading a couple of tips on some website or in some some magazine like I needed serious professional help and I was willing to that at that point to go and do whatever it takes in order to get good with girls and I remember like in that in that area of time when I saw that that Facebook update where I was feeling like so miserable I was feeling like I only I can be with this girl like my life would be perfect everything would work out like how could I be so stupid to make a couple of these mistakes like I wish I could just turn back the time a little bit and just make a couple of course corrections and at that point I was still kind of scheming and plotting for how I can get her back because in my mind I thought like I literally didn't see myself having other opportunities because I saw that I don't have the skills I need to attract girls plus girls don't come and approach me this was once in my entire life that a girl came and approached me so to me it was like a very rare opportunity that I blew and I was really beating myself up for and I feeling really bad about it but I made this important decision and the important decision I that I made was that I'm going to get better with girls and yes I want this girl back but you know what if I don't get her back I'm going to get better with girls like I'm going to work on myself I'm going to take the control of my own hands and make it make it happen I'm not going to leave it up to fate anymore because this this fate thing it's too painful it doesn't work out too well so from this I really went and I got really involved I was started going out approaching lots of girls at nightclubs and bars I've been and I've been doing that for a couple of years and developing the skills and I got good and a lot of other amazing stuff happened along the way so it wasn't just about going up and hooking up with girls but it was all it was mostly about the the biggest benefits I got from it was just like the personal growth that I experienced as a man and also like building my character building my confidence learning more about personal development learning about relationships learning about sexuality learning about dating learning about attraction but then learning about stuff like meditation and learning about being masculine and this kind of stuff which was incredibly rewarding and ultimately that led me into life coaching that led me into shooting these videos so my life changed dramatically from that point where I made the decision to get with that not to get with that girl but to to forget about her and to focus on my future so what does all this have to do with your breakup well this pertains directly to your breakup because right now you're in this point where I was at several years ago you're in this very painful point and you want to end the pain by going back to your ex you want to do that or you want to retreat in some other way and what I'm here to tell you is I want to introduce this idea to you that what you're experiencing now yes it's painful but recognize that it's a good pain there is good pain in life and this is one of the rare moments where the pain is good and you got to recognize it this emotional suffering that you're going through it's actually a good thing you're beating yourself up you're feeling needy and lonely and desperate and all this stuff maybe you're feeling angry this is good I want you to use this because I want you to look at breakups from now on after you watch this video breakups are a good thing they're not a bad thing they're a good thing and if you're feeling painful and miserable even better that makes them even better now it's easy for me to say that now because I'm not feeling the pain but you know what I was wise enough to see it several years ago and I've had breakups afterwards too so this is not like my own break up I've had some some break up so I was really miserable driving myself nuts but I was still wise enough and I was using my future as a way to console myself in the present so right now you know you're feeling miserable or whatever you're feeling very lonely but I want you to use this as motivation to move forward in your life and to paint a bigger picture for yourself the way that I did a few years ago and the way that I honestly did a few breakups leader just not that long ago maybe a year or two ago so what does this mean well like I said earlier you didn't break up for no reason if you broke up you broke up for a good reason there's weakness inside of you that you need to work on there's stuff within your personality you need to work out there's learning that needs to happen you need to learn about how the opposite sex thinks how they work you also need to learn stuff about yourself now this breakup could have happened for you know a hundred different reasons we can't cover all of them here but what you need to do is you need to discover why this breakup happened what's your responsibility in it not blame the other person take full responsibility yourself for what was going on here and then you need to learn those lessons and you need to tell yourself okay I know logically what the lessons are I figured it out i sat down I worked it through so maybe it's because I'm needy or maybe it's because I'm lonely all the time or maybe it's because I get into fits of anger and this person didn't like that or maybe it's because I don't understand how men think or how women think identify the problem but then you have to commit to not just knowing about the problem but commit to really fixing this area in your life permanently so here's what you're doing you're actually using this breakup that you have right now to create like an inflection point in your life there's going to be this divergence there's the path that you could have stayed on which is just your normal everyday life you're comfortable you're doing what you're currently doing nothing much is changing you're in your relationship and if you go back into the old relationship the way you want to right now because you're feeling lonely and you're feeling needy then your life isn't going to change is just going to keep going and you're not going to learn much it's just going to keep going you're going to feel comfortable oh yeah you're going to feel comfortable it's going to feel nice but you're just going to keep going on the same trajectory but if you set a big vision for yourself the way I'm gonna tell you to do here in this video in a second then you've got a chance to really boost your life supercharge it to make this a point that you can look back on five or ten years from now and say oh man that breakup was the best thing that ever happened to me I'm not just being Pollyanna when I'm talking about that because literally right now when I look back on my breakup from three or four years ago I feel that way I feel like that is the best thing that could have happened to me and if if only I stayed with that girl if only that girl took me back that would have been the worst thing because I would have been my weak self to this very day so let's talk about some of the things that you're going to be doing here you're going to be making some bold new plans for yourself and I want to give you some ideas on what you should focus on with your personal growth this is an opportunity for personal growth for you so here are the things that I want you to take stock of and to ask yourself do I need more work here and if you do you're going to go to work on them one learning attraction especially if you're a guy learning how to attract women is super important because if you're like the regular guy then probably the thing that you're facing is that you just don't have as many options equipment as you'd like you're not meeting the high quality women you want you're not approaching the women and women aren't approaching you so you're just getting very few opportunities and this makes you needy this makes you insecure about yourself so learning what actually attracts women and it's probably not what you think it is unless you've really studied it because a lot of this stuff is counterintuitive if you're a woman then it's not really your job so much to attract the man you do it through your look so there's not much you need to go and change about that but it still helps to learn a little bit about you know what men are actually attracted to versus again what you think they're attracted to because they're probably not attracted to the things that you think as a woman they're attracted to so that might be also i opening for you so learning about attraction next is build a stronger social circle this one is especially important if you're a woman because as a guy we're expected to go approach women so that's culturally acceptable that's cool I can tell guys to go get better with girls sort approaching girls in bars and clubs they'll get better women don't do that women don't approach guys so as a woman how do you get more high-quality men into your life that you could potentially date well through social circle most women meet most of their boyfriends and their husbands and whoever else they're dating or having sex with through having a big social circle the bigger your social circle the more people you're running into the more opportunities you have for dating so if you're a woman that's how I would go at it is working on your social circle building a big circle so you know lots of people then you have lots of opportunities as a guy you can also build a social circle so this is not a woman exclusive thing a lot of guys actually most guys regular guys who aren't into pickup they also attract girls through social circle just friends of friends that you know you meet new people they introduce you to their friends and you go on dates you get opportunities from that so work on your social circle next you got to learn better relationship skills after you attract that person where are you faltering in your relationship skills where are the areas that you're not good it's probably communication you probably don't know how to communicate well with men or with women you need get better at that there are books you can read there are seminars you can take there are classes online that you can purchase their videos you can watch you there are people you can talk to they're coaching and therapy that you can get so learning better relationship skills this is a subject that has been much studies much studied there's been a lot of books written on this there a lot of good theory about how to communicate effectively in a relationship how to understand the way relationships work because again this is not stuff that happens naturally being good in a relationship is not what naturally happens what naturally happens is that most relationships break up so if what you want is a happy long-term relationship you got to work on that next I want you to work on building a better life for yourself this is really important and it doesn't seem like it's important at first but it is important because part of the reason that people don't want to be in a relationship with you part of the reason that your girlfriend or boyfriend left you is maybe often because you don't have a well-put-together life and it's not always that well your boyfriend or your girlfriend looks at you and says well I don't like your life you're not you're not the super successful person that's not usually how it works usually how it works is for example because you don't have enough friends in your life you feel lonely and needy and so that lonely neediness that's being pushed upon your partner in the relationship that makes him or her feel bad and so they leave you because they perceive you as needy and desperate or maybe you don't have a nice career in your life you don't have a nice career you don't have a lot of sense of life purpose so you're not really passionate you're kind of lazy you're slacking off you don't have the kind of money that you want and your partner perceives that and this lowers you in their eyes and you know what some people don't want to be with people who are lazy or who are slackers who aren't passionate about life and so they leave you maybe you don't have high quality hobbies in your life there's nothing interesting that you do again what does that do well that probably makes you a sour and bitter and miserable person to be around maybe you're very negative maybe you have a lot of childhood issues right and so because of this you don't have hobbies presently in your life you don't have a happy life that you constructed for yourself so the other person he or she notices that just because you are becoming a bitter and sour person and that's souring your relationship so working on your life this means getting a good career getting your finances into shape getting your health into shape huge huge probably the number one thing that a woman can do to attract better quality men and to keep them in her life is to just work on her on her fitness and her nutrition and this kills two birds with one stone because not only are you doing that for the guy but you're doing it for yourself and for your long-term health which is which is important too so you know working out working out looking after yourself proper nutrition if you're a guy I do that as well you know girls appreciate a guy who's got nice muscles and you appreciate it too so this one you should be really doing for yourself get some nice hobbies get stuff that you're passionate about and you love doing get a nice circle of friends going so that you're being happy in your life right when you have friends and if friends make you happy get friends if you don't if friends don't make you happy for example for me out friends aren't that important then you don't need to get them but just put the pieces into place in your life that are making you happy and now don't do it from the standpoint of like well I'm doing all of this just to get a girl I'm doing all of this just to get a guy know you're doing this to make you the best possible you that you can be to make yourself happy when you're happy when you're confident when you're secure people get attracted to that that's what attraction is based on people love people like that people like that are rare in life I don't know if you'd notice that they're pretty rare when you meet when you meet a person who's really happy really successful got everything together is doing stuff that he loves and she loves in her life then like this person they don't need anything to complete them and this makes them extremely magnetically attractive so it's it's an amazing thing because again you're killing two birds with one stone you're doing it for yourself first and foremost but then this gets you the attraction of the attractive partners that you want to next you really need to focus and work on your neediness issues now some of the things about already here on this list we'll help you with that but sometimes you need to go even a step further neediness kills relationships if you're a guy in reading with a girl that's that's like a death sentence for your relationship women hate needy men that's the most repulsive thing that they can encounter in a relationship is a needy man they hate a needy man more than they hate an abusive man it's freaky so you need to really work on your neediness what does that mean well I'll have other videos talking about that but just in brief you know if you're needy and you all are always desperate for sex you need to go up and get that out of your system go have sex lot of girls go date a lot of girls so that you're not feeling this desperation for sex if you're a woman and you're feeling neediness in the sense that well you need a man in your life to be that strong pillar that you want or whatever and you can't bear to be alone you also need to work that out and guys can feel that too so it's not always that guys are only needy with sex there they can also be needy they need companionship or whatever a lot of times neediness if you're really stuck on neediness is because you have old trauma in the past childhood issues maybe you were neglected when you were young or you were abandoned by your mother or something like that or there was a divorce in your life and that affected you in some way that now makes you always needy for love and companionship but this is ruining your relationships so work on that the next thing you should work on is any neurotic emotional issues that you have so neediness is one of those but also focus on stuff like anger jealousy toxic negativity depression nothing will poison your relationship more than one of these things that I just said right when you're a toxic negative mean person no one wants to be around you no matter how much they love you even if you get someone into relationship with you and they love you a lot ultimately they're going to be forced to to reevaluate that decision of being with you if you're extremely toxic and negative and you're bringing them down in life a successful happy person doesn't want to be around people like that so you need to work those out and that usually involves some deep work you might want some coaching for that you might want some therapy you might want to buy some books you might want to watch more of my videos you might want to do some self therapy maybe get some sake gnosis done NLP work you know there's a lot of different ways to work on this stuff but it's important to start to look at this and lastly what I would tell you is work on your bad habits so do you smoke do you drink are you overeating are you eating really unhealthy foods do you take drugs are you addicted to stuff are you addicted to television and Internet and pornography all of these things and more any kind of addictions that you have any bad habits you developed these things also jeopardize your relationships you know not always you don't need to be paranoid about this stuff I'm not telling you that you need to become the perfect person and again remember why you're doing this you're really doing this as part of the self actualization process self actualizing for you not for somebody else so you should be working on your bad habits anyways because they're already destroying your life the only point I'm making here is that notice how all of these bad things in your life that you don't want what are they doing they're making you miserable and it's this misery that's souring your relationship so that's ultimately what you're weeding out of your personality is just this toxicity this misery which isn't doing either of you or your partner good appointees that we make about romance so you know we grew up in a very Hollywood romance culture and we're saturated by the media love stories and romantic comedies and dramas and all this stuff and whether you're a guy or whether you're a girl if you're in the middle of a breakup you feel so bad and you feel like like something special has been lost right like oh this person she was the perfect one or like he was the one he was doing I was supposed to marry he was my knight in shining armor or like she was that special girl I'll never find a girl that I have that amazing connection with ever again or maybe she was the mother of my children so she was so special to me or maybe you know he's he's my husband he's so special to me how am I ever going to recover from losing this person in my life here's the deal Hollywood romance is [ __ ] this feeling that you have right now it's an illusion it's an optical illusion played on you by your mind and you can know this you know this deep down you're feeling so miserable you want that person back but you know that that person is not that special you've got chemicals going around in your mind and you've also got ideas about this romance and how special this person was and how there are there's that idea that that's soulmate there's only that one other soulmate that you've got well you know what I hate to break it to but there are no one unique soulmates this actually a really good news because if there was only one soulmate that means that if you didn't click with this person and you screwed something up and now they abandoned you then you're screwed you're screwed your whole life is screwed but actually I'm here to tell you that your life is not screwed and that there are many many many amazing people out there for you to attract for you to develop relationships with and this person they're not that special I guarantee you no matter how special this person was no matter how much money they had no matter how sexy and beautiful they looked no matter what other kind of you know what I want amazing sense of humor they had or whatever I guarantee you that there are thousands of people just like that or even better out there right now in your city waiting to meet new people many of them are single and you can meet them if you feel like this person is so extremely special you'll never get that chance again well you know what that what that signifies that signifies that you have lack of abundance lack of options with the opposite sex in your life which is what I felt three years ago and it was real for me that wasn't an illusion that was real that was a real problem but this is one of the problems that I want you to work on I want you to build your abundance with the opposite sex or whoever you prefer to to date if it's same-sex that's cool to build your abundance so that you have the option so that you're not feeling like there's only one or two guys that come along in a decade oh one or two girls that come along in a decade if it your life functions that way it's because you didn't design it right and that's okay you can go back to the drawing board and fix that stuff which is what we're having you do here so here's the bottom line I want you to have a big vision for what your life is going to be your life because of this breakup is now going to be much bigger and I want you to keep reminding yourself of that every single day as you're going through the pain that's breakup so this breakup the pain of it maybe it lasts a couple of weeks maybe a couple of months well keep reminding yourself I've got a big vision now my vision is that I'm going to make myself stronger I'm going to use this to grow myself I'm gonna work out every single sticking point in my personality I'm gonna self actualize I don't need somebody else to be there for me to self actualize I'm gonna work out myself I want to work on my sexual abundance I'm going to get better in relationships I'm going to learn how to attract the opposite sex better I'm gonna get into shape I'm gonna work on my bad habits I'm going to work on my childhood neediness and anger issues and then I'm going to be a really strong individual a couple of years from now not in six months a couple of years from now I'm gonna be this amazing strong individual that's my vision that's how you think from now on as you're going through this pain and finally the most important point of all because I know how much you want to do this right now do not go back to your ex if you do that that's going to destroy everything we've talked about here it'll destroy all of it because if you go back to your ex none of this stuff will happen you're telling yourself like that right now something like well Leo this is all amazing but can't I have all this plus get my ex back wouldn't that be the best-case scenario so I'm going to go I'm going to work on my self and do all this but I want my ex back give me my ex back I'm just going to try let's see maybe she'll take me back I'm gonna try doing all this self development but let me just see if the ex will take me back if you do that what's going to happen is that you're not going to develop yourself you're not you're not going to have the motivation necessary what's going to happen is going to fall back into your comfort zone and the stuff that we talked about this amazing vision of yourself your highest self this stuff actualized self that you could be two years from now this amazing sexy beautiful self with all the sexual options that you have or maybe you want that husband or that wife or that girlfriend or that boyfriend whatever you want you could have that in two years time with work but if you go back to your ex you're not going to have that what you're going to have is you're going to have a dysfunctional relationship a codependent dysfunctional relationship so in summary do not go back to your ex do not go back to your ex do not go back to your ex focus on your vision focus on the vision all right this is Leo I'm signing off go ahead post me your comments down below click the like button like this video so it shoots up on YouTube go ahead and share with your friends post it on Facebook for me the more these videos are shared more free videos I can keep releasing and I love to release or free stuff and finally speaking of free stuff come and sign up to my newsletter here at actualized org it's really simple to sign up when you sign up you get updates with all the videos that I release on a weekly basis I don't spam you these videos are going to help you in your journey to self actualize my vision for you with self actualization is that I want you to develop the most accurate mental model of reality in your own psychology I want you to completely understand who you are how you function how to create an facing life so that you never get stuck in life you never feel bad in life you know exactly what to do in life you know how to set the right goals you know how to improve your relationship your health or any other aspect of your life that's what I'm trying to do with actualize that run is to give you the insights the deep wisdom that you need and there's a lot of wisdom in a lot of different areas of your life that you need to understand in order to make this happen it's not easy that's why I got involved with personal development that's why I started studying this stuff so much reading hundreds of books attending seminars and and talking to world-class experts because I wanted to pick their brains and I wanted to find the best strategies and I loved sharing those with you so if you want to really master your life man talk about a perfect opportunity right now is your perfect opportunity sign up you'll be getting free updates and I'll see you soon you